Letters to My Kids

The One with the Hobbitses

It’s that time again.
Time for the glorious experience of divulging my innermost secrets.
My most embarrassing imperfections.
And my most hidden quirks.
Won’t you join MckMama and myself in this quest for brutal honesty?
And if not, at least laugh at (with) me.
I am always a big proponent of fairness.
Therefore I would never be totally stoked at the sheer amount of luck given us during our ultimate frisbee game last night.
Nope, it certainly wasn’t me who was pumped that my team consisted of the five best and most experienced players.
Against the younger, newer players.
I may or may not have cherry picked numerous times for my husband.
Who would throw the frisbee from one end of the field to the other while I was running quickly to line up the perfect end zone catch.
Nope, not us!
We are never excited about WINNING.
When it comes to manicures, I am most certainly queen.
Whenever I get around to…errr…uhhh…when I faithfully keep up with my nails’ good looks I would never be found picking off the nailpolish at the first sign of chipping.
Nope, not me.
I definitely have more self discipline than a five year old.
I would always use nail polish remover, never other fingernails, to remove polish.
I was definitely not nervous at the prospect of teaching my first piano lesson.
I am always brimming with confidence.
There were no thoughts of doubt or worry whirring around in my thoughts.
Nope, I was cool as a cucumber. Ready to take on the world.
Or at least whoever chooses to trust me with the piano education.
I would never second guess myself or the people who, for some reason, have loads of confidence in my abilities.
Which is why I would not call up my husband five seconds after the first lesson and proudly exclaim, “I did it!”
It is definitely not me who loves reading The Hobbit aloud to my husband.
I would never be caught bring Gollum’s character to life.
With some freakishly awesome slash disturbing voice renderings.
Nope, I would never love to entertain him.
And myself.
With what may be one of the greatest writers of all time.
Well, we love Tolkein.
How have I not read his works before?
I am an avid reader, right?
Therefore, I would never leave out such prolific works.
And I may or may not be super excited to blast up this little room with our new space heater.

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