About Me, Confessions, Fitness, Letters to My Kids

Running Rhythm

Dear Little One,

I have a confession to make – after 5 weeks of not being able to run due to an ankle injury, I finally just entered into an honest place of grieving. This may sound totally ridiculous. Why would anyone be sad that they’re missing their runs? But for for me running is a part of my life’s rhythm, the breath of my days. I love to run. And it comes naturally to me which reminds me what a grace it is. It’s as if God is saying

Here, Child. I know you need this. I’m going to give this time and this body and this ability. Use them well. 

Ten years ago if you would have told me I’d be calling myself a “runner,” I never would have believed you. I always classified myself as un-athletic. Looking back I realize how unfair I was being to myself. I had developed this misconception of my body as chubby and uncoordinated, and I became the girl who just wanted to stay out of the way when it came to sports. But had I known I could run, then maybe I would have been brave enough to join the cross country team. (That’s one of my few high school regrets.)

Despite the lackluster entrance into the world of running, I have come to rely on this ability. Not only is running a good workout, but it’s therapeutic. My mind starts going stir crazy when I haven’t spent some time pavement-pounding. Running refreshes my soul, connecting me to my own breath and thus the Holy Breath – the Spirit of God. I don’t need music or the chatter of a podcast, the company of a friend or even a conscious prayer. The rhythm sweeps me into a space of refreshment that soothes my deepest angst all while straining my physical body to the limit.

And I finally cried about it on Monday. The devastation sunk is as I was trying to explain to your dad how taking time off for my ankle means I’m someone who’s not getting to do what they love, what they’re good it, and what’s become an integrated part of their schedule...for well over a month. It’s a loss of sorts.

Child, I tell you all this because I want you to know a few things about me. I want you to know that running is a beautiful part of my life, and I can’t wait to use that jogging stroller I found at a yard sale 4 years ago. I want you to know that running is a talent given to me by God, and I often struggle to use it with humility. I want you to know that I might need to leave you at home with your dad because I just really need to go for a run. I hope you’ll understand.

And in the meantime, I’m praying in earnest for complete healing of my ankle and restoration of my strength. I’m praying for God to be near in my time of withdrawal, endowing me with the grace to wait.

Resting and doing lots of Holy Yoga,

Mama

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